It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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