I accidentally burped into my bong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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