my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Randomize
