How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
