For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
