I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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