Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
