You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
