that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
