just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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