i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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