2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize