dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
