I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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