i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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