True but thats because hes a fetus.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
