They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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