You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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