i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
