Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
