i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
