Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
