woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
