just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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