I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's never too late to be topless.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
