I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
