You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
