i need an iv and a liver transplant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
