Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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