any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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