he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
