i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
