Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
