Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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