Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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