Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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