At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
