He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
