omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
