You're so nebulous sometimes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
