Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
