my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We're too hungover to prance.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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