I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
