I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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