Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
