I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
