how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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