I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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