areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
