I'm lost and stupid without you.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
