In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
