We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
