Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
