i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
