Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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