so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
