addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize