I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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