drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
