you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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