My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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