I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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