the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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