a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
