3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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