dude i'm inner monologue high
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
