ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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