dude i'm inner monologue high
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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