I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
